September 2, 2013

Al-Qaeda Praises Obama Reaching Out To Friends McCain And Graham

Al-Qaeda Presents The Moral Case For U.S. Intervention In Syria.
Al-Qaeda Is Disappointed In British Parliament, Calls On British PM To Attack Syria.
Al-Qaeda Applauds Secretary of State John Kerry's Latest Remarks On Syria.
Al-Qaeda Approves of Barack Obama's Glorious Declaration of War Against Syria On August 31st.

Below is a statement by Jamal Ahmed al-Tahiri, the spokesman for Al-Qaeda in Damascus (AQD), praising President Obama for reaching out to Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham, who are loyal friends of AQD.

In the Name of Allah the Merciful, America the Accursed, Aslam O' Alikum,

The heroic statements made by Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham on the war effort against Bashar the dog in front of the White House after their glorious meeting with the majestic, mighty, and magnificent President Barack Hussein Obama have brought nothing but joy to our hearts.

Here in Al-Qaeda's headquarters in Damascus we could not be any happier. The new found union between old foes in Washington is an amazing sight to behold. Obama and McCain together on one united team can do great damage to Bashar the dog, aka the monster who eats baby flesh for breakfast, aka the gorilla from King Kong, aka that shark from Deep Blue Sea that ate LL Cool J's cute little bird, aka the enemy of all humanity.

Senator McCain made the most powerful, and inspiring remarks. What a voice for liberty! Bashar the dog is shaking in his boots. Obama, bow your head, you could never muster the emotional and intellectual strength to equal the divine eloquence of John McCain! Masha'Allah, Masha'Allah.

McCain should alone carry the torch of liberty to Damascus. It is only safe in his iron hands. Assad will burn, be sure of this. Commit to your vision, America. We in AQD will stand by you all the way.

The American fire will melt Assad's skin off. AQD encourages American journalists to come under our protection to film the spectacle. The footage of Assad burning will boost ratings on Fox and CNN. Advertisers should thank McCain and Graham, two great heroes for the cause of liberty.