October 6, 2013

Al-Qaeda Slams Republicans, Says Government Shutdown Is Bad For War

Al-Qaeda Presents The Moral Case For U.S. Intervention In Syria.
Al-Qaeda Is Disappointed In British Parliament, Calls On British PM To Attack Syria.
Al-Qaeda Applauds Secretary of State John Kerry's Latest Remarks On Syria.
Al-Qaeda Approves of Barack Obama's Glorious Declaration of War Against Syria On August 31st.
Al-Qaeda Praises Obama Reaching Out To Friends McCain And Graham.
Al-Qaeda Demands Congress Pass Obama's Syrian War Resolution.
Al-Qaeda Rejects False Accusations That It Was Behind The Chemical Weapons Attack At Ghouta.
Al-Qaeda Slams Putin's NYT Op-Ed, Says America Is Exceptionally Evil.
Al-Qaeda Is Angered By Shocking US-Russia Deal On Syria, Says Assad Can't Be Trusted.
Al-Qaeda Thanks The Mainstream Media For Its Slanted Coverage of Syria.
Below is a statement by Jamal Ahmed al-Tahiri, the spokesman for Al-Qaeda in Damascus (AQD), criticizing the Ayatollah-inspired radical Republicans for taking DC hostage and putting the global endless war project that began on September 11, 2001, in jeopardy.

In the Name of Allah the Merciful, America the Accursed, Aslam O' Alikum,

In the past, our saintly American patrons have been very punctual and efficient when it comes to their shipment of weapons and money to our safe houses in Syria, Libya, Turkey, and elsewhere.

But, as a result of a devious plot to shutdown the government originating from a group of radical, Ayatollah-inspired Republicans, the usual shipments have arrived later than expected. We have not received any new bullets or guns since late September.

Meanwhile, Assad is smiling.   

As we all know, war is a fine and lucrative business, and the Republicans are messing with a good thing when they attempt to slow down the gears that keep this well-oiled engine running.

Someone needs to pay for the global endless war project, and that role has fallen on America, may God's wrath forever be upon it.   

The majestic, magnificent, and mighty President Barack Hussein Obama, the wonder of the universe, the child from Kenya who conquered America, should not have to put up with this mess. The rabid Republicans must be put down like useless dogs that have lived out their best years.

These lowly secessionists and lousy bums who quote Jefferson all day and night as if they are kin to that great icon of human liberty must burn. If President Obama has only one nuclear bomb in his pocket he should use it on the fundamentalists in Texas, not those in Iran.

May Allah guide Mr. Obama's words and actions in his dealings with the treacherous Republicans who aim to starve the beast. May Allah preserve this great enemy of ours, so that we can end its Satanic reign and continue to strike terror in its godless belly as we did on September 11. As we proved on that day, we can produce great fire, while the Republicans only have smoke to offer.

What Washington deserves is not a petty shutdown, but Allah's wrath. The beliefs of petty political partisans and the interests of corrupt Republican weasels have no place in God's designs for America.

The funding of the Great Satan must continue. Al-Qaeda' war against Assad cannot be won without the consistent financial and military support of the Obama administration. We are in desperate need of Uncle Sam's help. God-fearing Republicans must realize this truth and end the government shutdown tonight.