"My body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems. The illness I have has caused me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure. All day, every day a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body. It is nothing short of torture. My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety, even with all of the medications the doctors dare give. Simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me. I can not laugh or cry. I can barely leave the house. I derive no pleasure from any activity. Everything simply comes down to passing time until I can sleep again. Now, to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing.
You must not blame yourself. The simple truth is this: During my first deployment, I was made to participate in things, the enormity of which is hard to describe. War crimes, crimes against humanity. Though I did not participate willingly, and made what I thought was my best effort to stop these events, there are some things that a person simply can not come back from. I take some pride in that, actually, as to move on in life after being part of such a thing would be the mark of a sociopath in my mind. These things go far beyond what most are even aware of.
To force me to do these things and then participate in the ensuing coverup is more than any government has the right to demand. Then, the same government has turned around and abandoned me. They offer no help, and actively block the pursuit of gaining outside help via their corrupt agents at the DEA. Any blame rests with them." - Iraq War Veteran Daniel Somers (R.I.P.). An excerpt from, "I Am Sorry That It Has Come to This": A Soldier's Last Words" (Gawker, June 22, 2013).
"The greatest wonders of military discipline, while objects of awe to all the experts, became objects of my own most heartfelt contempt; the officers I regarded as so many drillmasters, the soldiers as so many slaves, and when the whole regiment was performing its tricks, it seemed to me a living monument to tyranny. What is more, I began to feel keenly the evil effect that my position was making on my character. I was often compelled to punish when I would gladly have pardoned, or I pardoned when I should really have punished; and, in either case, saw myself as the punishable one. At such moments, the wish to leave such a profession began to grow within me as a matter of course, constantly martyred as I was between two completely incompatible principles, and always in doubt whether to act as an officer or as a human being, for I consider it an impossibility to combine the obligations of both under present conditions in the military.
And yet I regarded my moral development as one of my most sacred duties, because it was just in this, as I have explained, that my happiness would be grounded, and so, to my natural aversion for soldiery, the moral obligation to give it up must be added." - Heinrich von Kleist. "An Abyss Deep Enough: Letters of Heinrich von Kleist with a Selection of Essays and Anecdotes." Edited, Translated, and Introduced by Philip B. Miller. (1982). E. P. Dutton: New York. Pg. 22. The quote is an excerpt from a letter dated March 18, 1799.
Transcendental Meditation helps war veterans with PTSD relief