September 3, 2013

Al-Qaeda Demands Congress Pass Obama's Syrian War Resolution

Al-Qaeda Presents The Moral Case For U.S. Intervention In Syria.
Al-Qaeda Is Disappointed In British Parliament, Calls On British PM To Attack Syria.
Al-Qaeda Applauds Secretary of State John Kerry's Latest Remarks On Syria.
Al-Qaeda Approves of Barack Obama's Glorious Declaration of War Against Syria On August 31st.
Al-Qaeda Praises Obama Reaching Out To Friends McCain And Graham.

Below is a statement by Jamal Ahmed al-Tahiri, the spokesman for Al-Qaeda in Damascus (AQD), demanding that Congress pass President Obama's Syrian War Resolution.

In the Name of Allah the Merciful, America the Accursed, Aslam O' Alikum,

Very rarely in history do states go to war for moral reasons and higher values of civilization as opposed to the safeguarding of national interests, or national defense.

In our day, humanity is confronted with crimes and injustices that are committed by intolerable dictators, as well as the indiscriminate use of weapons of mass destruction by rogue regimes.

In Syria, Bashar the dog has transgressed against the moral laws of mankind, the divine laws of God Almighty, and basic international norms. In the face of this reality, America has decided to act, not for its own selfish reasons and petty national interests, but to defend the values, interests, and laws of a new global civilization. America is acting against Assad to uphold the basic rules of law on the international stage.

Al-Qaeda in Damascus respects this decisive and courageous step taken by America. We see in Washington a light that can illuminate Syria in our darkest night.

Assad has murdered our people, poisoned our women and children, and denied us the right to life and security. 

It is clear to all who can see with the eyes of moral clarity that Assad must be punished. He must pay for his crimes. He must eat the dirt off of Secretary of State John Kerry's boots, the same ones he wore when he was murdering little kids in the jungles of Vietnam. And, Insha'Allah, we in Al-Qaeda will videotape this exchange between the two men for posterity's sake, and, of course, for the sake of television ratings in the United States.

But before that can be achieved, Congress must first pass President Obama's war resolution. The majestic, mighty, and magnificent Barack Hussein Obama must not be embarrassed for the second time in a month. Once is enough for this titan of a man! Curse upon the British Parliament for going against the great leader's wishes!

Congress must answer Obama's call to war. AQD and other forces in the Syrian opposition will not accept a no for an answer.

President Obama has made his case for war against Syria with great moral conviction and intellectual integrity. Obama is so sure of his rightness in this matter that rather than discussing his plans for war in the White House after he made his statement to the press he went to play golf. What an amazing display of confidence in one's own judgment! No wonder he is called the majestic, mighty, and magnificent.

Al-Qaeda has dissected Obama's golf game and basketball shot with great interest and respect. May he replicate his victories on the golf course and basketball court in Syria.