In a surprising development in the War of Terror, Obama has been caught red-handed, chatting with a CIA-trained Santa, and giving orders about his upcoming assignment in the hills of Afghanistan. It is reported that Santa will be deploying to Kandahar province by next week, in time for the holiday season, in what is being called Operation Steal Candy From a Baby. It is still unclear whether or not Rudolf will be accompanying him on this mission.Sources tell us Santa is Obama's secret weapon in the war against Al Qaeda, but critics of the operation say the lack of chimneys in the Afghan countryside may create some logistical problems for Santa and his team of elves, who have been send over from a Blackwater workshop, where Santa's more dysfunctional brother has taken the charge in the fight against the naughty children of Afghanistan.
Some conspiracy theorists have said this is proof that Santa is a helper of Satan, and that the milk and cookies have always been a distraction deliberately created for the public.
The Obama administration has denied the reports, saying that Santa Claus isn't real, shocking some of his loyal followers. Other Obama supporters have committed suicide upon hearing rumors that Santa won't be visiting their town this Christmas.
Meanwhile, for the first time in its history the CIA has held a press conference to quiet some of the rumors that Santa won't be delivering toys to American kids this Christmas. CIA director Leon Panetta has stated that there are many Santas on the payroll of the agency, including the deceased terrorism frontman, Osama Bin Laden, and Clauso Santana, the guerrilla leader of the Venezuelan right-wing group, El Santos. Panetta said that each CIA-trained Santa is given a special assignment to carry out around the world, including delivering toys to American children, and that it is necessary for national security that their identities be kept a secret. He said he can't speak further on the subject because many of the details are still classified.
The private meeting between Obama and Santa has also created an uproar among Christian conservatives, who charge Obama of usurping Santa's role as God during the holiday shopping season. Many Christians plan to protest in front of the White House. In preparation, the Secret Service have moved the President to the North Pole, where they say he'll be more secure, and have put in a place a puppet version of the Commander-in-Chief, in case the protests turn violent.
As a result of this ongoing controversy, there is a new movie being made called How the President Stole Christmas. It is due out next winter, starring Bernie Madoff as the grinch.
