I should follow Emerson's advise and choose the notes in my pages, and use less the quotes from the sages, that way, once the shoe lifts, I will recognize my imprint and know my trail years from now. It doesn't take a genius to follow your own path, besides, what I do have to lose? Nothing. And everything to gain. It makes perfect sense to write, even with the full knowledge of my limitations, because I am writing for myself and nobody else. Some become men by gripping the sword, knowing not who or why they kill, but I'm choosing another method, to strip the word down from jargon so it fits in my hands, allowing me to grow into a Man's skin rather than have it laid upon me. I will turn writing into my rite of passage. I'll seek out the wisdom of the past age, then cast it into this era of the fast pace, like a cascade, forcing the ignorant to run for the hills in these last days. I blast rage like a comic backstage who has nothing but a mic and an ash tray. I write from my dad's cave, like a bat whose half-crazed, or from a mass grave, through a child's voice whose past eight, or like a lone shark inside history's last wave, reaching the sands without making a splash. My knowledge is glass made, designed to reflect the inner intelligence of those who received half-grades in that vast maze called schooling. This isn't an off the wall ruling cause my judgment is precise. The gods scream kill the machine, while we merely dream of a small retooling of life.
Excavating the Truth involves trial and error. While I am prepared, walking down history's aisle of terrors is still a daunting task, one that attracts smiles and stares, but I know God is on the other side, and he's waiting for me to dial a prayer.
My first steps in becoming a writer were precautionary, but I am slowly gaining my voice, and beginning to accept this challenge as my fate. I take stock in the works of the great minds, from all walks of life, and all fields of knowledge, but I must advance, not despite them, but because of them. When they began to built, time was still under their feet, also, they were not engulfed in their environment and distracted by it the way I am. But they didn't overcome their history without some kind of struggle, and their Thought was graceful and pure with courageous effort, because they too were under great pressure; the mastery of the Greeks were hoisted over them, making them timid at first to even pick up the shield of thought, but it became necessary to think again for oneself, as it is today, which means to abstain from building your own Thought will leave you defenseless, and put you under unsought influence. Freedom, like Thought, is not a choice, but a burden that must be upheld, and also to be enjoyed. All who take any part will be taken apart, nay, those who have been taken apart will take part in the dance of life, of thought, and of love. Even when I write out of my ass, as I did just now, it does not make it an excuse to never write again, because next time it might come out of my heart, or my mind, or better yet, if I'm lucky, my stomach. So I must not be terrified that I might err the wise. Why walk by the mansions of thought, staring and wondering, when I could dedicate my life to my street. Mine is a new house built on ruins, with unbreakable material, designed not to sell, but to live in, even in ruins, if necessary.
My destiny is a gradual unraveling, and every small step I take is a reaffirmation of the life I've lived, but taking a leap of faith sometimes is necessary, especially when you have doubted yourself. To reach a place where I can finally begin my work without hesitations; that is my end, and I write it like this because the realization comes to me this way, it is near the period when my thought begins to crystallizes. I write to remind, or I should say, when I am reminded I write. I remind because I can't live in a world that has forsaken truth as the ultimate authority. If the past is forgotten, write off the future, which is begotten before the present. I try to remind the beings made of light to fully express the power within, and quit grasping the power outside of them, which is not theirs, and can't be used for their purpose. I remind the old and those still at youth that there is a Will to Truth that exists in the world, apart from us, and we must let go of our subjective feelings, to embrace the world wholly. Embracing the world today means embracing the fact that corruption and lies are at the heart of the World, but we should not take flight from this situation, instead, we should do as Kierkegaard did and take the leap of faith, though not in an overtly religious sense. Taking the leap of faith means shedding the fear of all that may come after our decision, for that is out of our control and should not preoccupy our minds. In the MANAS journal's first issue it is written: "There is only one weapon with which to fight the various approaches of Fascism and that is the psychological armor of fearlessness."
To write affirmatively, I must shed all fear. What comes after is out of my control.
